Erica's Blog

The Try Something New Everyday experiment

Today I finally listened

on March 6, 2014

Have you ever had someone who tapped you on your shoulder to tell you something?

* Tap *  * Tap *  * Tap *

But you don’t want to listen…

“Shhh….not now”

They continue…

* Tap *  * Tap *  * Tap *

But you are busy…

“Shhh…I kinda got my hands full here…maybe later?”

They REALLY want to say something…

* Tap *  * Tap *  * Tap *

But you REALLY don’t want to listen…

* Ignore *  * Ignore *  * Ignore *

They don’t fall for it…

* Tap *  * Tap *  * Tap *

But you don’t want to hear what they have to say…

“I’m sorry…I cannot listen right now…SHOO!”

They are persistent…and they return…

* Tap *  * Tap *  * Tap *

At this point, your blood could boil…

 

Has this ever happened to you?

It’s been happening to me…I’ve been getting the incessant tapping… oh, for about 5 months now…

I have a hard head…I swear sometimes it’s made out of granite…and I can be stubborn to boot…quite the combination, I would say.

These less than attractive traits only rear their unfashionableness ever so often.

Back in August, this blog idea came to me…landed in my brain like a rocket to the moon.  moon rocket

I had to mull the idea over but it finally came to life September 11…

Shortly after receiving the idea, I felt the tap on my shoulder…I should do a blog post about my Christian journey…

“What?!  What Christian journey?!  I’m the worst Christian ever!!…I believe in God, you know, the guy up in the sky.   But I don’t go to church…I know very little from the Bible…and say I want to read it but I never do…I only pray when I need something larger than what I can do…and I’m pretty self sufficient and independent so that’s not much…so, what in the world could I, totally epic failure of a follower, talk about?!”

Silence.

What an odd thought.  Where in the world did that come from?!

So I plug away at the blog…finding my something news…that have nothing to do with this subject.

* Tap *  * Tap *  * Tap *

“Yeessss?” totally in the voice of a creepy butler opening a squeaky door…

“Write about Me”

I have to say…I used to wonder about people when they said they heard God talking to them and working through them.  I’ve never heard a booming voice saying “Erica, go do XY and Z.”  I’ve never witnessed a burning bush.  But this was a calm, gentle thought that seemed so foreign from the way I think.  And the thought carried peace.  It’s hard to describe…nothing earth shattering or anything…just different…fresh cool breeze on a hot summer day kind of different.  I knew this wasn’t me.  If it were me, the voice would say “Eat more cake…Take more naps…Go on a shopping spree”

This must be what people talk about…

“So….Maybe I will….maybe I won’t…(I’m too sassy for my own good sometimes!)…if I do, how do I do it?”

Silence.

Isn’t it typical?!  Your boss gives you a directive but fails to tell you the step by step to get there…

Wait… if it was my job I would just figure it out on my own and accomplish the task…so, why am I expecting something different in this case?

Again…I push the request to the side…He doesn’t understand life on Earth!  What if I offend my readers?  What if better Christians read my postings and laugh at my attempts?! (The bad laughing…not the Erica approved or induced laughing)  What if I make a mistake or misspeak?

* Tap *  * Tap *  * Tap *

* sigh *

“Look…you know…I want to listen to you…because I guess I’m supposed to…but really, I’m juggling my life like a champ…and I’ve got a good thing going here…I got this…so I’d really like to not mess it up!”

“Write about your journey of getting to know Me”

What?!  nah…not me…there’s someone better at this….let me just continue writing about fruit or cleaning or fly fishing….

Silence.

 

I’m still at a loss…I’m still leery…

But finally…today…I listened.

This is hard…but this is honest…

I don’t know God.

What I know of God I only know from the hearsay of others.  I have some beliefs and ideas about Him but they are mostly unfounded or just intuition.

I received limited exposure to church growing up.  God in my childhood was the man marking in His big book of life everything I did wrong.  Building a case against me for Judgment Day.  I can only imagine the number of pens and pages He went through (and still does!).

But I don’t say that to blame anyone…I take full responsibility for my spirituality.

I’ve made several attempts in my life to make religion and church a priority because I know they should be.  But inevitably I would just resort back to my secular ways…sleeping in on Sunday mornings…procrastinating on Bible studies…etc.  I wanted this in my life…until it became inconvenient.

I’m really envious of those who can spout Bible versus and minister to others.  They truly know God, are doing His works and follow Him.  Their eyes light up when they speak of Him and they share how much He has done in their lives.

And some way…some how…they just look like they have their life together better than any of the rest of us.  I don’t think they have an easier life…they just have a better grounding to handle life curve balls.

But that’s not me…

I’m on the Start space in the game of Godopoly…

I’ve had my board game set up for quite a while now…all the tokens have been in place…all the cards squarely in their designated spots…

I’ve just never picked up the dice to play…

I never knew how…or focused on the how…or had the soul deep motivation to discover the how.

But as I write this….after all these years, I have finally figured out what my next step should be…how to get off the Start space…

I need to read the instructions before I can play the game…

So today I will blow the dust off my Bible…or better yet probably go out and buy a new…one without all the “Thys” and ‘Thous”…one I could actually wrap my brain around.

And I will share with you my journey.  Not because I want to…because let’s be honest, I’d rather not put myself that far out there…       but I will…

 

 

 

 

 

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