Erica's Blog

The Try Something New Everyday experiment

Today I (tried) to mow my yard…with a push mower

on April 26, 2014

My zero turn riding mower (aka Z) is currently in the mower hospital…it’s needing transplants, IV fluids and rest.  It even had an ambulance ride to the hospital (our local shop does pick up/delivery service).  Z has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks now and it’s release is undetermined at this time.

Spring time, the early beginnings of the grass cutting gruel season, is the worst time to have your mower out of commission.  My grass is growing like weeds…literally.  I swear some way, some how, it’s getting high off Miracle Grow from some ferterlizer pusher in the neighborhood.  There’s no other way to explain this unnautral growth rate!  My pups walk outside to do their biz and 10 minites later you cannot see them for the jungle!

A week ago, the grass had gotten just too high.  I could no longer just wait to spring my mower from the hospital.  I pondered buying a new mower to just get by but that could just be wasted money if Z pulls through.

So, what’s a girl to do?  Call Daddio!

Daddio said I could borrow his push mower.  Push mow…I hadn’t done that since I’ve moved to this house, 9 years ago.  My first house had a postage stamp size yard.  Two swipes with the push mower and bam! done.  Now, my little piece of this earth measures 6 acres.  Push mowing my extra large yard seems unreasonable…like bringing a WWE wrestler to a MMA fight…like adding one chocolate chip to a batch of chocolate chip cookies…like having a $50 craft store gift card and only buying 1 skein of yarn.

But I’m desperate…so I’ll take it.

When I arrived to pick it up, I had to pass this mower’s care tutorial before I could leave with it.  Seems this mower is quite elderly, tempermental, hard to get going…and then sometimes just onry, just because it can be.  “You have to push this button 10 times then fastly return to the handle…make sure to hold the handles up all the way all the while yanking this string to start the engine…your natural tendency is to push down on the handles to gain leverage to yank start the engine but don’t do that!  You’ll get no where with him.  If that doesn’t work, repeat…eventually, you’ll get him going.  Oh, and you can only feed it this geriatric gas, otherwise you may cause the mower it’s overdue demise”

Ok…got it.

So I returned home with the push mower.  Hubbie said he will mow the important puppy areas and leave the rest for another day when he has time.  No biggie…the other grass hadn’t gotten out of control so it could wait.

Well…that was a week ago…since then, we have had optimal grass growing weather: rain every 3-4 days followed by tons of sun.  And of course couple that with the fertilizer usage that I suspect …but cannot prove yet and you can see I’m in quite an overgrown pickle. Needless to say, some parts of the yard look like it’s never seen a mower in it’s life…like…never ever.  And I swear I hear the 2 foot high bright yellow buttercups heckle me as I walk among them.
image

Today, when I came home from working a craft show, I decided I could mow a bit while the sun was still shining.  Hubbie told me not to do it…he sited it’s a blue job (aka a man’s job) and urged me to do a pink job (aka a woman’s job).  He suggested mopping.

Mopping?

But I wanna play with the power tools!!…and think of the cardio I would be cranking out?!  I need the cardio to cover the Chik-Fil-A heaven on a bun chicken sandwich I consumed at the craft show.  I told myself I was only gonna eat the chicken part (and pickle!), ditching the bun, to cut the carbs when in reality, I ate the whole darn thing.

Mopping?!  No mowing?!  Shaa!  Cue Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson for this chica!

I got dressed in my mowing outfit…long sleeves, long pants, tall socks, non flip flop shoes (oh how I love my flip flops!), sun hat,  bug spray, sun screen for rest of exposed skin, yard gloves…and sunglasses. I may look a hot mess, but I’m a not-sunburned, no buggie gonna snack on me hot mess!

When I got the mower out, I mentally went through my geriatric mower care instructions…push button 10 times, run back to the handles, hold them up all the while yanking the cord.  I did that but gramps ain’t in the mood.  Not even a “I’m trying to start” sounds…it was more like a “No, no, and nope” sound.

Ok…I knew this may happen.  Daddio said to just try again…treat the mower with gentleness he said.  I go through the steps again…give a good few yanks…still no get up and go.

Maybe I’m not yanking it hard enough…surly that’s the problem…maybe I’m Hello Kittying it when I should be Hulking it.  I don’t really want to be like a green angry man but if that’s what it will take, I’ll channel Hulk.  So, I channeled Hulk…but still no life to the mower.  I do now have new pains in my right upper arm from the superhuman yank action from my not superhuman, Hello Kitty arm muscles.

Ugh!!  I won’t be defeated!   I will not let this grass grow another centimeter!!  “You will start and start now!” I sternly tell the mower.

I pump the button another 10 times and try to start it.  The mower responds with more “not gonna do it” noise.

“Now, lookie here…I followed your silly instructions!  The agreement is I treat you gingerly, you eat grass for me.  To do so, you’ve got to start!  Get your lazy engine in gear…please!” I yelled.  This is the point I get slightly embarrassed I’m trying to reason with an inanimate object.  I go through the steps again…pump x 10… yank as hard as I can…still no go.

At this point, I’m dropping f bombs.

And I don’t even curse.

Yep,  jumped over the s word, the h word, the whatever other choice words there are…and went to the top of the arsenal: the f word.  I sounded like Ralphie when he beat up the bully in A Christmas Story.  The F— word, the queen of dirty words, just turretly escaped my mouth…like a lot….like a whole bunch.  When I stopped and realized what I had uttered, even I was ready to march myself into the bathroom and remorsefully suck on some Lifebuoy soap.

Sigh…

The mower won…que Queen’s “We are the Champions” song for the mower….and the grass.

I surrender.

Not only did it get the best of me…it left me battered with muscle pains in places I didn’t know had muscles.

Mowing…push mowing…is definately a blue job.  A mop and bucket seem the only tools I can coerce to work today.

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2 responses to “Today I (tried) to mow my yard…with a push mower

  1. Jeanne says:

    I really enjoy your posts. Thanks for this one. Been there Done that sort of thing.

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